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#1 chiacchierona11

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Posted 16 March 2007 - 08:11 PM

Hi there,

I just saw your post on the poll about age at POF and I wanted to start this thread as a welcome (although I wish we didn't have to meet under these circumstances) and to bring your question down to a new thread. The question was: how did we young POFers cope with telling partners/significant others about our infertility. I would love to answer your question.

I was diagnosed with POF at age 15 after having undergone it at 14. Needless to say, when I was that young, a lot of my worry was how this would affect my social life. I wasn't much of a dater and I was always really concerned that when I did find someone, they would not understand and would leave me because I was not able to have children.  Well, my story is actually quite remarkable. My first serious boyfriend came at age 22 (I know, I am apparently a late bloomer). He found out about my POF very early on and I was very proud of how he handled it. He didn't ask me a ton of questions but I later found out that he did some research on his own and also had to do some soul-searching as to whether or not he could handle it in his future. I know this sounds bad and it made me very sad at first but then I had to look at it through his eyes...just as I had to deal with infertility, if he stayed with me, so too would he. It would have a profound effect on both of our futures. The good news: we are now engaged and are getting married in November. We have discussed all our options for having children and know that it will be a long and possibly very difficult road. I know it was also difficult for his mother who always dreamed of having grandchildren...not to say she can't but it will not be the way she imagined it would be.

I guess this long story hopefully will give you some hope. The right person will understand and will take it in stride. He will not sugar-coat and tell you oh it's not a problem, not at all. He should understand that this affects both of you but  will love you just the same and must accept it for his life too.  

I hope this helps some. Please feel free to PM me if you have any other questions or need support. I completely understand where you are coming from as not long ago, I was there myself.

HUGS,
Beth
The POFer formerly known as hrhpmv19

dx @ 15, now 26.

A VERY HAPPY NEWLYWED!!! Married to the man of my dreams on November 4, 2007 in Philadelphia, PA

Proud mama to new and adorable furbabies Luna and Gigi http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/mirzai/my_photos


"Quello che il bruco chiama fine del mondo, il resto del mondo chiama farfalla"
That which the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the rest of the world calls a butterfly.

#2 Quinney5000

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Posted 20 March 2007 - 12:44 PM

Hi there Beth, thank you so much for your reply it really has given me hope. This website is great help and to know there are people out there with the same problem really does help and make it not so scary. Congratulations on your engagement and I hope you have a lovely wedding. x
Diagnosed with POF in March '07 at 19! (Can't believe it has almost been a year) it was a shock to say the least.
Family have been great.
This board is amazing - always perks me up on a rough day.
Thanks ladies x

#3 Marrimem

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Posted 23 March 2007 - 08:55 PM

Hi --- Like you and Beth I was dx me w/Primary Ovarian Failure just before my 16th birthday.  The Dr. at Johns Hopkins hospital GYN dept. said that they didn't believe I had any eggs in my ovaries, and that if I did have even a few they would likey be unvivable for preg. I was heart broken. I hadn't even dated a guy yet and here I was being told that I would never be able to conceive my own flesh & blood. I was close to my Mom and she suggested I not say anything to anyone until I was near to marriage. I told a few of my very closest girlfriends and they all said you'll be able to one day. They were trying in their way to comfort me. So I did worry how a possible marriageable partner would react. There was a part of me that telling my best friends helped break the ice for later, which would be harder.

I wrote it in my Journal abt telling a very special guy I was dating (whom I didn't know at the time would by my future husband) turned out to be one of the most special experiences for me, even a spiritual one. We are both very religious. He was a midshipmen at the U S Naval Academy, 20 yrs old. I was just shy of 18. We had been dating & new each other 2 yrs. I had this sense inside that I should tell him abt my POF before he left for the summer.  Here is w/I wrote: "We were sitting in the car talking and then he kissed me. Afterward I started crying. He told me to smile that nothing could be that bad. I told him I couldn't. Then I when on and told him I had something I needed to talk with him about before we got deeper in love. I explained from the beginning to end.  He had tears in his eyes, but he said everything my Mom had said when she was trying to comfort me. That was super special. I could feel the Lords presence there with us." This became a special spiritual experience for us as he had expressed things about strong good wonderful worthy women in the Bible and said I was no different then them, much of what my Mom had said.  We continued dating for quite some time we became engaged and then he broke things off a couple months later, after meeting a divorced gal at a singles conference who had a lovely little girl. He learned in that time that he could completely fall in love with a child not of his flesh & blood, but had terrible trouble with her Mom. During this time I had couple opportunties in serious relationships & one guy passed it off like I didn't say anything at all, the other had a better reaction, of whom I almost married, but then the one I really loved and learned to trust again came back into my life and we got married. We planned to adopt children as soon as was possible. We were married 2 1/2 yrs when his life was taken before we could make that happen.

I was widowed 4 yrs and then met a fine man w/2 son's. One 19 the other almost 15. We married, tried adopting for 10 yrs w/out success. My DH is much older then I and his age played a significant part. As he was almost 47 by the time we could legally adopt start adopting. He wasn't interested in adopting older children w/the "emotional baggage from their parents." But even though we didn't have children together & I didn't raise his sons, we have grandkids that call me Grandma. I love them like my own and that helped and added to my healing emotionally over POF.

#4 Marrimem

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Posted 23 March 2007 - 09:06 PM

If your interested in reading more about my story it is found at the URL below as part of the preview story for a first ever book on Premature Ovarian Failure called "Faces of POF", which is a collection of personal experiences and poems about our life experiences with POF.

[url="http://pofsupport.org/facesofpof/preview.htm"][url]http://pofsupport.org/facesofpof/preview.htm[/url][/url]

Sorry for to hear about your diagnoses, but I hope that you feel less alone now. It was only several years ago that I made any connection to anyone who had anything similar. There may have been others out there, but when your young you don't ask those personal questions of older women you know how are having trouble having children.  The Internet sure had helped alot to unite us.

#5 Marrimem

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Posted 23 March 2007 - 09:08 PM

I hope that something I have said in this thread or my story might help you as you find your way in life with this diagnoses. It is not easy but I do hope you feel more hopeful for your future.

Hugs. Marrianne

#6 vegasgrl13

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Posted 03 April 2007 - 09:37 PM

Hello! I am 29 and have POF - I just got married in Feb.  It was a long journey as a teenager to now.  I had a really hard time since I wasn't on any kind of hormones or anything not being diagnosed yet.  So after HS I met guys but really didn't let anything really last into a relationship. But one guy I met really didn't want to let me go.  Let's just say he was persistant.  Even when I gave him the let's be friends only speech and we took some time apart and just talked on the phone and hung out occasionally.  But this only made it worse for me since I was falling in love with him.  Well I was also going through some light pain which worried me I went back to find a Doctor that I trusted and felt comfortable with and I thankfully did find an excellent one! Well anyway I filled him in at this point and he was wonderful.  I warned him he would really need to think about things and not just be the hero or the good guy.  We had been together now about 5years, got engaged last year and just got back from our Honeymoon in NZ.  And we have been talking more now about adoption than infert/egg donors which was initially a discussion.  But we still have a long road ahead of us.  I was thinking last night about how strange the path life takes, that you would never see yourself wHere you are at when you are so stricken with worry and sometimes sadness at our pof.    So hopeufully this post helps someone out there.  Let them love you.  Don't run.  Good Luck.