Posted 16 March 2007 - 08:11 PM
I just saw your post on the poll about age at POF and I wanted to start this thread as a welcome (although I wish we didn't have to meet under these circumstances) and to bring your question down to a new thread. The question was: how did we young POFers cope with telling partners/significant others about our infertility. I would love to answer your question.
I was diagnosed with POF at age 15 after having undergone it at 14. Needless to say, when I was that young, a lot of my worry was how this would affect my social life. I wasn't much of a dater and I was always really concerned that when I did find someone, they would not understand and would leave me because I was not able to have children. Well, my story is actually quite remarkable. My first serious boyfriend came at age 22 (I know, I am apparently a late bloomer). He found out about my POF very early on and I was very proud of how he handled it. He didn't ask me a ton of questions but I later found out that he did some research on his own and also had to do some soul-searching as to whether or not he could handle it in his future. I know this sounds bad and it made me very sad at first but then I had to look at it through his eyes...just as I had to deal with infertility, if he stayed with me, so too would he. It would have a profound effect on both of our futures. The good news: we are now engaged and are getting married in November. We have discussed all our options for having children and know that it will be a long and possibly very difficult road. I know it was also difficult for his mother who always dreamed of having grandchildren...not to say she can't but it will not be the way she imagined it would be.
I guess this long story hopefully will give you some hope. The right person will understand and will take it in stride. He will not sugar-coat and tell you oh it's not a problem, not at all. He should understand that this affects both of you but will love you just the same and must accept it for his life too.
I hope this helps some. Please feel free to PM me if you have any other questions or need support. I completely understand where you are coming from as not long ago, I was there myself.
dx @ 15, now 26.
A VERY HAPPY NEWLYWED!!! Married to the man of my dreams on November 4, 2007 in Philadelphia, PA
Proud mama to new and adorable furbabies Luna and Gigi http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/mirzai/my_photos
"Quello che il bruco chiama fine del mondo, il resto del mondo chiama farfalla"
That which the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the rest of the world calls a butterfly.
Posted 20 March 2007 - 12:44 PM
Family have been great.
This board is amazing - always perks me up on a rough day.
Thanks ladies x
Posted 23 March 2007 - 08:55 PM
I wrote it in my Journal abt telling a very special guy I was dating (whom I didn't know at the time would by my future husband) turned out to be one of the most special experiences for me, even a spiritual one. We are both very religious. He was a midshipmen at the U S Naval Academy, 20 yrs old. I was just shy of 18. We had been dating & new each other 2 yrs. I had this sense inside that I should tell him abt my POF before he left for the summer. Here is w/I wrote: "We were sitting in the car talking and then he kissed me. Afterward I started crying. He told me to smile that nothing could be that bad. I told him I couldn't. Then I when on and told him I had something I needed to talk with him about before we got deeper in love. I explained from the beginning to end. He had tears in his eyes, but he said everything my Mom had said when she was trying to comfort me. That was super special. I could feel the Lords presence there with us." This became a special spiritual experience for us as he had expressed things about strong good wonderful worthy women in the Bible and said I was no different then them, much of what my Mom had said. We continued dating for quite some time we became engaged and then he broke things off a couple months later, after meeting a divorced gal at a singles conference who had a lovely little girl. He learned in that time that he could completely fall in love with a child not of his flesh & blood, but had terrible trouble with her Mom. During this time I had couple opportunties in serious relationships & one guy passed it off like I didn't say anything at all, the other had a better reaction, of whom I almost married, but then the one I really loved and learned to trust again came back into my life and we got married. We planned to adopt children as soon as was possible. We were married 2 1/2 yrs when his life was taken before we could make that happen.
I was widowed 4 yrs and then met a fine man w/2 son's. One 19 the other almost 15. We married, tried adopting for 10 yrs w/out success. My DH is much older then I and his age played a significant part. As he was almost 47 by the time we could legally adopt start adopting. He wasn't interested in adopting older children w/the "emotional baggage from their parents." But even though we didn't have children together & I didn't raise his sons, we have grandkids that call me Grandma. I love them like my own and that helped and added to my healing emotionally over POF.
Posted 23 March 2007 - 09:06 PM
Sorry for to hear about your diagnoses, but I hope that you feel less alone now. It was only several years ago that I made any connection to anyone who had anything similar. There may have been others out there, but when your young you don't ask those personal questions of older women you know how are having trouble having children. The Internet sure had helped alot to unite us.
Posted 23 March 2007 - 09:08 PM
Posted 03 April 2007 - 09:37 PM